Ten Birthday Truths

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It’s my birthday, trusty blog! Another year wiser, hopefully… at the very least, maybe a little further down my road to self acceptance. A brief list of things I’ve learned are never going to change:

  • I will never be accused of being quiet, understated, or subtle. I’m 99% sure I was a drag queen in a former life.
  • I have the ability to make things happen; because I’m blessed, because my grandma is a witch, because I work really f-ing hard. Doesn’t matter which as long as it keeps working.
  • I laugh like a man, it’s not delicate like tinkling bells, and it’s probably too late to do anything about it.
  • This is a grown up as I’m ever going to get, and it’s not very grown up at all.
  • I’m not a “natural” beauty girl… I love red lipstick and purple hair and bleached blonde hair. I love painting on makeup everyday. And I don’t care that boys seem to think I look prettier without a mask I have to chisel off at the end of the day, because it makes me happy.
  • I still think penis jokes are funny.
  • I pole, I wear stripper shoes and glittery booty shorts, I spend a good portion of my week inverted… and if that makes someone uncomfortable, they should probably just go away, because it’s not going to change.
  • I’m incredibly clumsy. Seriously, I walk into glass doors, fall out of chairs, and trip over my own feet. “Awkward giraffe” is the most accurate description of me on any given day.
  • Because of the two points above I will always be bruised, sometimes I draw smiley faces on them.
  • There is every chance in the world that I will be a crazy old cat lady with pink hair and a sequined walker. And I’m ok with that.
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